I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
