His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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