he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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