do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
