:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
