i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
