In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
never play flip cup with pint glasses
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
