The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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