Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
