Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
