I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
