She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
