If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
