hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
