theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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