You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I skipped work to stalk him.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
