My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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