JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
