so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
how do flat chested girls get laid?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
