I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
