I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
