Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
