We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
