I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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