Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
