I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
