remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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