just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
