so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
