Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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