i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
