i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
