whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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