Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
