So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
