Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
