tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
