She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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