what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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