hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
