it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
