yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
