Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
