it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
