So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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