so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
