So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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