I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
this hospital has no fireball
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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