I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize
