I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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